I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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