I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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