I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
