I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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