I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
