Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
