I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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