the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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