Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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