Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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