what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
