God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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