my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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