Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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