He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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