wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
