This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
