My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
