Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
