we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
