The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
