she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
