My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
