I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
