Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
