I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
