Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
