I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
