He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you made out with another girl for some wings
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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