we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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