Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
