my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize