no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
