I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
