I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
