once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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