how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
