Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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