Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
