yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize