omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
