Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
