im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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