Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
