are you still at the devil's house?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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