69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
