Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
