It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
