apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
nutella sex= disaster
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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