So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
