Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
