okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize