Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
