I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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