it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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