R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
