You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
