The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
