Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
