i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
