best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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