i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
