Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize