Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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