i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
