your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
