just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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