I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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