dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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