We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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