At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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