She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
