One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
