I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
