My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
