i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
