just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
