My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize