Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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