he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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