Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
