I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
