i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize