So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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