ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
