We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
