overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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