Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
