I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
