She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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