so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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