fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
