I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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