what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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