He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
