Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
